Safe Space University: The most safest, most pamperizing college in the US

    2015/04/10

NSFW    Today's universities bill themselves as a 'marketplace of ideas' operating under the pretence that students need and should be able to think freely for themselves upon graduation, but what happens when the minds of our impressionable youth are infected with...'new' ideas? American college students need to be coddled if they are to make it in today's world.

That's why we created Safe Space University in order to foster an ultra insulated learning environment where students can safely explore the super shallow shores of their own ideas in state-of-the-art classrooms filled with puppies, play-doh and lots and lots of bubbles.

SSU's curriculum is screened so that all content is filtered out before it's spoon fed to students. We've removed grapes from our kitchen and skyscrapers from architecture class in order to rid our campus of the unspeakable 'R' word. To avoid tension between races, we paint everyone in our school colors for our annual speed competition.

SSU campus tours are available daily. Sign up today and receive your very own set of personalized blinders so your worldview can remain unchallenged, no matter where you go.
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