Here's a sneak peek at the new Star Wars movie and boy does it look good!

    2014/04/22

NSFW    We have no idea what the latest installment of ‘Star Wars’ is about, who will star in it or even its title, but that didn’t stop us from coming up with an absolutely unauthorized, entirely fictional and ridiculous trailer for this yet-to-be-released movie!

Next Media Animation presents: Star Wars Episode VII: The Rise of the Elders.

And remember, this Star Wars is coming to you from the company that brought you “Dumbo,” “Snow White,” and “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids”…so you might want to dampen those expectations fanboys (and girls).

One has to consider that Luke Skywalker has spent decades getting over the thought that he once seriously considered banging his sister; something that can’t be good for the old psyche.

Han Solo, if he makes an appearance in the film, would be played by 107-year-old veteran actor Harrison Ford, so we’re guessing his Imperial Walker is less of a weird four-legged laser-shooting machine and more of a, well, walker.

While genocide is never a good thing, many might be willing to make an exception for the entire Gungan race, which of course includes Jar Jar Binks *shudder*.

What would decades of life together have been like for Han and Leia? Is their love strong enough to survive, say, Han’s prostate surgery and almost certain impotence?

Did anyone give any thought to the retirement plans for storm troopers? It’s hard to imagine them finding new employment or being retrained as say, medical technicians.

Will this Star War be the War to End all Wars? -- or merely the beginning of years of dumb-ass merchandising tie-ins, boring plotlines, and news coverage of fully grown adults camping out in front of movie theaters for absolutely no good reason?

“Star Wars Episode VII -- coming to every f***ing theater in the motherf***ing world… Xmas 2015” (*sigh*).
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